Earthlings, stop shaving and save money. Beards are tres chic right now. Drauk and I are quite jealous because we aliens cannot grow beards. The above picture is me with a beard wig - but tell no one.
Beards have recently sprouted on the chins of Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emile Hirsch, Samuel L. Jackson, David Letterman, Chuck Norris (always had one) and Conan O'Brien.
Earthling Men: grow a beard. You can pretend to be fashionable with your beard, but secretly save money during the recession.
Beards are cheaper because:
1. Razorblades are expensive. Our alien calculations tell us American male humans spend $1.70 to $3.50 per blade. If you use one blade per week you are spending between $6.80 and $14.00 per month just on blades.
Human females normally use razorblades twice and spend between $25.50 and $52.50 a month on blades. My wife, Meera does not shave her legs, like all female aliens on our planet.
3. Less water. Think of all the water you use to shave. Stop letting you money go down the drain. Be cool, grow a beard and reduce your water bills.
4. Electricity. Even if you use an electric shaver, you are using electricity with the razor as well as the light bulb you use to see yourself while shaving.
5. Time is money, even on our planet. Save five minutes per day by growing a beard. This equates to 35 minutes a week which will give you time to have one more sex session per week, or two if you are lucky like us. More sex means more exercise which is free entertainment (See Recession Tip 2- SEX: The Best Free Entertainment).
Other benefits of Beards: Beards will also make you appear more intellectual, which makes you less likely to be laid off during recession. Beards will also keep you warmer in winter, allowing you to lower your thermostat another degree to save on energy bills during the recession.
Some men must shave. We have observed that some human males cannot grow a beard. Also, some jobs do not allow facial hair. If this applies to you, and you are forced to shave, we have the answer. Use a straight razor instead of expensive disposable blades. We have also heard through the grapevine that you can sharpen the blades of disposable razors.
Be cool, green like us and save money by growing a lush, beautiful beard.
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