It's the Recession, Didiot!: UFO Recession Tip 54 - 10 Reasons to Stay Monogamous during Recession

Earthlings, we do not understand why you cannot stay together with your mates forever or close to forever.

Meera and I have stayed together now for 1,345 years and 15 hours and 30 seconds. Please do not think we are self-righteous, because this is a second marriage for both of us. We have figured out how to keep our second marriage a success. My first marriage lasted only 475 years, and Meera's lasted only 567 years.

The secret to marriage is to have great communication, fun, laughs, spontaneity and lots of sex.

If you are thinking about splitting up during this terrible economic recession or thinking about having a little fun outside the marriage, stop. We highly recommend not doing so. It might seem like it would be fun and exciting, but if you get caught, you will pay major consequences for your actions - monetary and otherwise. Besides getting caught, we do not believe that it is honest or smart.

10 reasons why you should stay monogamous during recession:

Stay Monogamous Reason #1: Lying and scheduling your little rendezvous will use up too much time and gas. Time is money. And, if you have to meet in special, out of the way places, then you waste unnecessary gas, which will cause you to go further in debt. And you will not be green like us because the more gas you use, the more you use the environment.

Stay Monogamous Reason #2: Your extra mate lover will demand all kinds of presents as part of your extra rendezvous. We wonder how you will pay for all this during the recession. Not a good idea.

Stay Monogamous Reason #3: If you get caught with someone else, your mate is going to throw you out of the house and you will be homeless. We will not be able to help you because we do not approve of anyone being a lying, sneaking, cheating, back-stabbing, good-for-nothing scoundrel. And we will stop providing you with our valuable recession tips.

Stay Monogamous Reason #4: Extra money goes to dinners. Your extra mate lover will demand you take them to nice dinners and purchase fine wine. If your budget is tight, how you will afford this during the economic recession?

Stay Monogamous Reason #5: You could lose your job. If you cheat on your mate, you could lose your job if he /she informs your boss. If you have not been brown-nosing to secure your job during recession (See our Brown-Nosing Tips), this will give your boss an excuse to find ways to let you go in order to reduce his overhead budget. We imagine him thinking, "Oh, we can fire that good-for-nothing, lying, cheating kind of Didiot."

Stay Monogamous Reason #6: You may have to help your new honey too. If you cheat on your mate, then your extra mate lover will most likely expect you to help financially during the recession as well. This would pose additional financial hardship for you due to having to dole out green dollars in two places.

Stay Monogamous Reason #7: Not staying monogamous may lead to divorce. And divorces are very expensive. Do whatever you can to stay together until the recession is over. We have seen many Earthling couples go quickly to the poor house as a result of divorce attorneys running up their bills. The only people who benefit during these tough times are attorneys. We do not understand the concept of attorneys because we do not have need for them on our planet.

Stay Monogamous Reason #8: If you have children, they suffer the most. In divorces, children get the short end of the stick. They end up having to suffer because both parents become highly emotional, especially under the added strain of economic recession.

Stay Monogamous Reason #9: You could end up with more children. If you cheat, you could end up with new children and we think having new children during recession is a very, very bad idea for more reasons than one.

Stay Monogamous Reason #10: We will find you and abduct you if you are cheating on your mate. Remember, we can get to any locations in nanoseconds with our saucy saucer. We have alien technology that allows us to look through walls if we choose to do so. Do not make us do that.

Meera's additional reason to stay monogamous at ALL times: You could get your Earthling ass kicked to the moon by your spouse or a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend which would put you into the hospital. Medical bills in the U.S. are extremely expensive and it is best to stay healthy and whole during the recession.